Friday, 8 April 2011

Why Write a Blog? It's All About Give and Take

I started art lessons February this year.  It was fun.  It was casual.  Art and I shared a "Kiss you, kiss you, I'm (not) gunna miss you" kind of relationship.  When I wanted 'It'  ('It' being art), 'It' was there at a click of my fingers (or flick of my paint brush).  When I wasn't in the mood, 'It' didn't mind at all.  Really, 'It' and I shared the perfect take, take, take relationship, with me being the taker. 

It was so fun having a shallow, one-sided 'It's not about you, it's all about me' kind of affair and our relationship continued like this for a while.  Then, suddenly, one morning around two months ago,  I realised I no longer wanted to be just the taker in the relationship.  I felt guilty.  I realised that 'It' wasn't just an 'It'.  'It' had a name - 'Art'.  I felt so guilty about this, I almost felt like I owed Art an apology.  Something along the lines of:  

Dear Art

I am very sorry that I have been such a taker and not a giver. 

I'm sorry that I called you 'It'.  'It' was wrong. 

I promise to try and be more considerate from now on.

I hope we can still be friends.

Artistically yours,


Did it work? No. It wasn't enough.  Art was still unhappy.  Art was not going to accept my half-hearted crummy mental letter of apology.  Art wanted more.  (Who was being selfish now?!)  In retrospect, I can now see that Art was very, very sneaky.  Art waited a little longer, watching me go about my day and my art lessons in blissful ignorance, until the moment was right.

One day, a week or so later.....Wham! Bam! Kapow!  I didn't know what hit me!

It was morning, it was early, the birds were singing and the kids were fighting.  I was drinking my usual ('Wake up Kate!') mug of coffee.  It was, in fact, a perfectly average kind of morning.  Until... suddenly it occurred to me that instead of feeling grumpy about the school lunches yet to be prepared, I was contemplating the shape, the style, the values and tones of my coffee mug I was holding and devising how I would somehow make the time in my already incredibly busy day to draw, colour and capture it with my (newly bought) pastels.  'Uh-oh', I realised,  'I'm in trouble...'

Then (please imagine an impending drum of doom sound), with dawning shock and embarrassment, it occurred to me that I'd been posting more than a few "Look at my picture / painting(!)" Facebook images lately - probably far more than would be the normally accepted etiquette.  Oops. 

'So', I pondered, 'What does all this mean?'

I explored this thought process further and started to ask myself what on earth made me feel compelled to show the world all the pictures, paintings, drawings, scribblings, musings, cutting, pasting, sticking, splatting and... well... all SORTS of things that I haven't even discovered yet but will (hopefully) discover? And why, WhY, WHY do this even though what I create may not be terribly good?

Simple, I realised.  I finally admitted to myself (and now I'm admitting to you) that art has worked its way into my heart. Sneaky thing.  Eight weeks as of today and counting.  Is it an addiction?  Or maybe it's that initial honeymoon glow of love and attraction?  Is it some sort of chemical imbalance?

I'm not sure.  All I know is that I love Art.  Art may not always love me, but I can accept and live with this.  Afterall, no relationship is perfect.  All I know is that when I'm creating, I feel happy, calm, content and peaceful.  That is a wonderful way to feel and to exist in this crazy world.  That's why.

Finally, it's at this point I feel I must be honest and upfront with you now, dear reader:

In some ways, whether you or other people in the outside world are of the opinion that I do or don't possess any talent or artistic ability isn't really the purpose of this blog.  (Although of course, all compliments are welcome! Gentle constructive advice is also gratefully received.)

Art Finds Kate is designed to document my personal, artistic journey and to share my joy, my frustrations and my experiences with you.  In essence, if you sometimes smile, or frown when reading my posts; if I make you think or consider or perceive art in a slightly different way from how you did before or; if  you suddenly consider the notion "If Kate can.... Should I?" then all the effort required for me to create and write this blog is worthwhile.   Enjoy!

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